____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
