its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
