I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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