let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Someone shattered a urinal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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