So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
