Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
