dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
