you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
