I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
