True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
