I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
