Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
