How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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