glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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