Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
