break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
