Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
