Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
