your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
