This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
