If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
