It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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