Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
