ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is the high leading the old right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
