Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
