Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
