So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
two words: eviction party
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
