Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
