He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
