Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
