and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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