Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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