I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize