love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
