I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
