I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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