I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
