we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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