pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
