When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
