She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
