Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
