I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
