I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
