Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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