You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
