We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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