That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
