At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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