Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
