ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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