You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
