You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
