so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
