I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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