sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
