did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
