She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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