I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
