This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
