im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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