Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
