textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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