dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
