i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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