Pappa wants mamma naked
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
