He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
