She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
