I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
