Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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