i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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