not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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