sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
