And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
