i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
