Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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