How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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