Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
