I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
